Gary Seymour, sports@wolfrivermedia.com
America’s Team is in crisis.
Surely all of the football-watching Americans were clutching their pearls last Sunday when the beloved Dallas Cowboys suffered some internal squabbling that was on display for all of the television viewing audience.
Cowboys defensive tackle Greg Hardy, back in action after having his 12-game suspension for domestic abuse reduced to four games, was at the center of this most recent maelstrom.
Hardy pushed Cowboys special teams coach Rich Bisaccia during a heated meeting along the sidelines in last week’s game against the New York Giants, and argued demonstratively with teammate Dez Bryant and anyone else who tried to calm him.
In a following press conference, Cowboys coach Jason Garrett played down the incident, praising Hardy’s work ethic and effectiveness in games.
So, apparently, there’s nothing to see here. The good ship America’s Team will right itself soon and all will be well again.
Because as everyone knows, when the Dallas Cowboys sneeze, the rest of the NFL catches cold.
Or so some would have you believe, anyway.
Almost as offensive as the idea of inmates running the asylum is the suggestion that the Dallas Cowboys are, or ever were, “America’s Team.” Who writes this stuff?
In this case, the anointing of Dallas as America’s Team was the work of a fellow who had produced game films for NFL Films, specifically covering only one team, the Dallas Cowboys.
The Cowboys were like Notre Dame, he wrote in one of the film intros. Everyone knows about them and many love them. They are the Dallas Cowboys, America’s Team. Pretty lucky coincidence that he landed on America’s Team.
There is no singular “America’s team” in the National Football League, there are 32.
As proverbially noted, supporting your favorite sports team essentially boils down to cheering for laundry. A few years ago Julius Peppers was a reviled figure wearing navy blue and orange. Today the same guy is leading the Packers in sacks, a welcomed addition to the Packers family. What a difference a jersey can make. Fandom is all about the locale.
There never was an “America’s Team” in the NFL. But in search of a subjective banner like that – here it will be demonstrated that that title is most closely suited to the team behind the Cheddar Curtain – one should consider the big picture.
What is your first thought with the mention of these America’s Team candidate cities?
Chicago, Illinois – George Halas may have started the league and led the Bears to glory in the early years, but think of Chicago today and what comes to mind is championship-caliber corruption. You’re DQ’d if your logo could be a propped-up cadaver in a voting booth.
Denver, Colorado – Very thin air, very tall ski slopes and very bizarre drawings on the airport walls that suggest the artists may have breathed too much of the thin air. You may add 25 yards to your drive, but it’s too weird of a city to be America’s Team.
Jacksonville, Florida – Lots of sunshine, nice beaches, not so much good football. Definitely not America’s team.
Tampa, Florida – See Jacksonville.
Minnesota – America’s Team, no. Norway’s team, maybe? You betcha!
Washington, D.C. – The nation’s capital, home to feckless public officials and a team that can’t even decide whether or not its nickname is offensive. Too confused to be America’s Team.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania – Speaking of nicknames, there are tumbleweeds here where there were once thriving mills. But the Pittsburgh Unemployed Laborers doesn’t have much of a ring to it. Next.
New England – It’s not very patriotic to push the envelope of fair play. Whether or not it is merited, one of the first things that come to mind with the mention of the New England Patriots is spying and deflating and everything else that made people think they were the ones who should’ve been named the Stealers.
Seattle, Washington – You think of coffee, the space needle, and spectacularly bad play calling at the opponent’s 1-yard line.
Green Bay, Wisconsin – What do you think of?
Case closed.